Cage Rattler: A Poem by Heather Stout

left and then right
is where my head keeps turning
thoughts upon thoughts
my skull is still burning

why do I care
why even question
the looks say it all
never wanted this attention

fire, fire
anxiety is a full flame
it’s taking over
everyone thinks it’s a game

roaring over me
like a tidal wave at sea
about to be drowned
by who I used to be

why can’t I let go
why can’t I just be
the me that is now
the me I’m supposed to be

she held me down
like I was a disgrace
how dare I be an embarrassment
looking like this in her place

she sees weakness
where there used to be strength
I see resilience
and wars fought at length

past me doesn’t make the rules
she didn’t fight the battles
there is no way she could know
all the trials I had to tackle

throughout the smoke
after the flames clear
is where you’ll find me
tending to the wounds I hold near

this is the me now
this is who I’m supposed to be
I’m a cage rattler
safe means nothing to me

Thank you for reading my late night thoughts from my journal. Stay tuned to see what page I’m tearing out next.